Bass Theory

Times were much simpler back then.

In my alternative view of reality, I'd like to think that Thomas Edison came about the idea of a lightbulb with a lightbulb appearing above his head, like every other cartoon epiphany ever conceived.

In a similarly whimsical revalation, I too have come up with my own earth-shattering thesis by simply looking upwards towards the top of my head.

Or more specifically, what lay on top of my head.

I've had my Beats by Dre Studio headphones for nearly a year and they are by far the coolest piece of audio equipment I've ever owned, surpassing my previous favourite item which was a small plastic harmonica I got in a Happy Meal many years ago.

The Beats by Dre headphone range have done for 'cans' what the iPod did for portable music. There's the recognisable branding with the giant 'b' emblazoned on the side of the oversized drivers; the red wire that has to be a hint to Apple's own coloured wiring; and the extensive range of colours that echo the San Francisco technology giant's decoration of the first generation iPod Mini. The success of these headphones is represented in smartphone manufacturer HTC's decision to pay $500m to buy the Beats by Dre brand, and HMV's recent shift in their business model away from CDs to 'music technology' (i.e. every pair of headphones under the bloody sun).

Enough of a business lesson, lets get back to the story.

The Beats headphones have named this way because they smash your ear drums in with stupid amounts of bass at every opportunity. Whilst listening to Ed Sheeran's album '+' (which tops the Laziest Album Title of the Milennium league table by a mile), it was clear the headphones were becoming restless at the lack of ear-thumping bass being channelled along the bright red cord (yes I am aware I gave my headphones the characteristics of a family pet). So as the first note of 'Small Bump' began playing the headphones burst into life. As soon as that one thump kicked in, a relaxing acoustic album suddenly had the sound properties of Will.i.am's farts. It's just the nature of the Bea(s)ts.

Scrolling through my music library it occurred to me that in the time period I'd owned these nuclear warheadphones, my music had become, dare I say it, a little more black.

There are R&B and hip-hop artisits on there like Kanye, Jay-Z, Tinie Tempah (I know I'm not gonna be heading up DefJam Records anytime soon but for me this a dramatic departure). Dupstep and electronic/dance artists like Example, Skrillex, DJ Fresh and Afrojack. The sort of stuff that the Daniel of a few years ago who when asked to describe music would have probably just said 'BIG FUCKING GUITARS' and would denounce these new artists as 'shit'.

And that's when the lightbulb appeared.

As the one hit wonders Puretone once proclaimed, I'm totally addicted to bass.

Wahowahhho.

You only have to look at the current charts to see virtually every other song has got some kind of sledgehammer-like thump. And the rise of cartoony and over-the-top headphones only seems to vindicate the idea that we as a generation are bass addicts.

Are we really so easy that providing something goes thump thump thump to the point where the contents of our skull dribble out of our earlobes like diarrhea, we don't really care what else is on a track? I've already admitted that I can be suckered into a song with bass over something that hasn't, but has it really become a nationwide epidemic?

It used to be an exclusive domain for the Burberry-wearing neanderthal or the 'homies' who pretended that Dagenham was the Bronx. Now every Dick Tom and Calvin is under the spell of low frequencies. What is it about bass that makes it so addictive? It used to be because it was bloody annoying, but with the advancements in headphone tech you can no longer anger everyone on the 355 service to Brixton with your 'massiv choons'.

Is it that weird sensation of feeling like you're being beat up by sound? After a couple of songs at full volume with my headphones, it does feel like I've done a couple of rounds with Mike Tyson. Brain scrambled, ears ringing, the urge to dunk my head in a bucket of ice. It's easy listening to this type of music.

In 10 years time when technological advancments in bass production have become so great that we've started earthquakes with a couple of plays of Rihanna's latest album, leaving our biggest cities in a crumbled ruin, we'll all look back at this post knowing it could've changed the world. This is my Edison moment, and if you've already seen something on the internet along these lines, then keep it to yourself so I can fully bask in my self-imposed glory.

Daydream Believer

I'm sitting here in a quiet house. Parents have got to that stage where they're in bed earlier than most newborn children. Brother has college. It's just me, Macbook, and MTV Classic.

I really just feel like writing something. I don't know whether it's the sound of the keys pattering up and down that's therapeutic. I don't know whether it's because I'm not vein enough to say 'I love the sound of my own voice', therefore, I just transfer everything I feel I want to say onto this little blog.

MTV Classic. Schedule from 11pm to 1am on Wednesday night is Top 20 Monsters of Rock. I'm sitting here thinking, 'I wish I had a time machine'. Number 11 on the list is a live version of The Who's 'Wont Get Fooled Again'. It's not fair. I'd give up everything just to go back to the '70's to see them live. Hell, anyone want a kidney? Liver? Just take it all, as long as I can watch Daltrey and co. smash shit up.

And then Kurt appeared. I can't quite remember how I was before I'd heard 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'. Obviously I was half the human being who'd heard Nirvana. It makes me wonder what'd it would have been like to have been an angry teen living in the Seattle area at the beginning of the Nineties. I make no bones about it, grunge music from that era is my all-time favourite type of music, I just wished I could have been around to see bands like Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Smashing Pumpkins etc. in their prime.

I do honestly believe I was born in the wrong country at the wrong time. Watching Britain go through an awful state of music. We're relying on one-hit grimey rappers, a woman named after a Queen song who'd think a plant pot would make a good dress, half-cocked Indie bands and a random singer '+ David Guetta' to fill up our charts. I've given up all hope. If only I'd been an American teen on the West Coast in the nineties. Then I wouldn't have to write this incredibly boring blog post with just me wallowing in self pity. About music. Powerful thing this MTV...

Oh, I've written most of this listening to the Glee Soundtrack. The word hypocrite comes to mind.

Therapist Required

Paparazzi. 3. Fight For This Love. Fireflies. She Wolf. If We Ever Meet Again.

No this is not a code. The more bright-eyed readers may have gathered that these are song titles. But they're a bit too 'pop' to appear on MY blog surely?

That's exactly what I thought. For a self-proclaimed 'rock dude', I was mortified to find myself, out of choice, hunting down these songs on Spotify and playing them instead of my usual audible treats. I'm starting to think I might have hit my head over the last week. There's no other explanation for this sudden turn towards homosexuality.

I hate pop music. It feels like a toy that was made in China. Cheap. Manufactured. Lots of different variations that all sound the same. Take this years BRIT Awards. Best male went to Dizzee Rascal, a man who can only make a hit when he performs with someone else. But to be honest, when he was up against has-beens like Robbie Williams and chipmunks like MIKA, it's no surprise the BRIT judges chose the lesser of all evils. And why was the audience of GMTV allowed to make the decision on the best BRIT performance of the last 30 years? These are the people who are offered prizes like holidays in exchange for identifying David Beckham's first name. It would have been more sensible to let the KKK host the MOBO Awards...

So yeah, if you're a therapist and you're reading this, can you please prescribe something to stop me listening to this nonsense before, god forbid, this stuff makes it's way onto my iTunes. It'd be a dark day in my music history if I were to have my music on Shuffle only to hear the whinings of Lady Gaga after a Metallica song. Lord have mercy.

Oh and a quick note on the BAFTAs tonight. I'm fully expecting 'An Education' to do rather well. We don't like to admit it, but we are generally quite biased towards our own films at these things.

Heartshaped Blog

Last few weeks I've been pretty shit. I never realised how therapeutic music could be, and as well as listening to Radiohead to make myself feel even worse (bad choice), I was listening out for any lyrics that related to moi and my shituation (an epic combination of shit and situation, I'll think I'll trademark that thank you very much).

I found this awesome little song by a band called Eagles of Death Metal. No they have absolutely nothing to do with the genre of death metal, in fact the song in question, Wannabe in LA, is a very melodic rock song. The chorus however struck a chord.

I came to LA to be rock and roll

Along the way I had to sell my soul

I made some good friends that made me say

I really wannabe in LA

Now I imagine you're reading that wondering what the HELL is the point of reading on. To me, this is personal, and I don't normally do sentimental and personal posts, but you know, New Year, new ideas.

To me, the lyrics of the chorus represent what has happened to me over the last few weeks. Wanting something so badly ('wannabe in LA') that it changed completely who and what I was ('had to sell my soul'). I did indeed make 'some really good friends', well not really 'make', more like enhance already good friendships. And yet despite everything, I still really 'wannabe in LA'.

There we go, a musically themed blog about nothing really. Just a rambling insight into the mind of Daniel.

Oh and if you're a Nirvana fan, I would at least expect a chuckle from the title of this blog post. It works on so many levels.

Today Is A New Chapter In My Life

Like a movie trailer with explosions, epic operatic music and awful one liners, the title of this particular blog post suggests so much, yet is actually a bit of a disappointment.

I have a new favourite album.

No it is not Metallica.

No it is not Rage Against the Machine

It is Superunknown by Soundgarden.

I just listened to it all and wondered why I never proclaimed my love for it.

That's all changing.

I love it.

So much.

So much so it's affecting my blog formatting.

What's Happened to the Boy Band?

After reflecting on the untimely death of Stephen Gately and how his bandmates were out in Majorca quicker than an X Factor winner getting the boot from the record label, it made me wonder what ever happened to the good ol' fashioned boy bands of the '90's? These bands were essentially my childhood and although I didn't have my walls adorned with pictures of them, I still worshipped these guys as sort of role models.....(I did not just admit I'm gay).

Boyzone, Take That, Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC (the stupidest punctuation of any proper noun EVER), Westlife. These were the kings of the '90's. While girls had their own little musical 'revolution' with the Spice Girls, us lil' guys gazed at these plastic and mainly manufactured bunch of males in awe. Even our mum's got involved with the worshipping, and most went a lot further than just singing along to a few hits. Virtually every single Top of the Pops had at least one of these boy bands on, and you could see that the crowd went mental, even when they were just miming like puppets on a string (I refer to *NSYNC's first album).

So despite their epic popularity in the '90's, why do virtually no boy band's exist today? I think I know the answer. See bands like Franz Ferdinand, Kaiser Chiefs, Muse etc. are basically modern-day boy bands. But they have talent. They can play instruments. They write their own music. They probably formed in a cafe rather than being told by Simon Cowell that the random bloke in the studio was your new bandmate. Nowadays, everyone is a critic (hell, they've even got Amanda Holden judging talent), and the old school boy bands where a career was handed to them on a plate and all they had to do was smile for Smash Hits magazine, are now pretty much ridiculed for having no artistic credibility. Even the old past-timers like Take That have had to break out the piano or dare I say, an acoustic guitar on the odd occasion to make them appear as though they have talent.

So there we are. Snobbery and ridicule has killed off the boy band and now we're left with rap music. Oh f*cking dear. Over and out xD

Obey Your MASTER, MASTER...

I read an interesting article on the Guardian's website today about what music the troops in Afghanistan are listening to whilst out on patrol and in camp in general. Apparently, the large majority of troops are listening to heavy metal such as Metallica and Slayer, with Eminem also a favourite amongst soldiers. Now this struck me a little bit. I can imagine Metallica being good whilst out out on patrol, gunning down Taliban soldiers (the thought of 'Enter Sandman', explosions, blood and dead Arabs is making me go all gooey inside in a kind of Jerry Bruckheimer kind of way), but many of these guys are playing this really heavy stuff whilst sleeping. The report also suggests that some songs like Welcome Home (Sanitarium) (for those of you who haven't heard it, it's a Metallica song about being trapped in a mental asylum) are actually having some serious psychological affect on them, and, I quote: 'turning them into monsters, making them inhuman so they can do inhuman acts'. That is some seriously deep stuff, and I imagine many sceptics in America will be rubbing their hands together with the view that aggressive music is bringing up a generation of psychos. But hold the burning torches citizens of Obamaland, because other soldiers have expressed that heavy metal is virtually the only kind of therapy these guys are getting and is keeping them pumped and 'on their toes' in times of battle. So there we are, don't go and see a psychiatrist, put on Master of Puppets...Over and out xD