Comercially Viable - An Attempt at Topical Discussion Without Using Stupid Metaphors

I'll start this post by saying I like David Cameron.

I was going through my old computer the other day and found a story I'd started writing when I was about 15. It was a weird mixture of The Hurt Locker, 2012 and The Bourne Identity focusing on a worldwide terrorist attack set in the future. In it, I'd made reference to Prime Minister David Cameron, thus second guessing the future of British Politics by about four years. And before you ask, I will be offering my Mystic Meg insight to the upcoming American Election in November, so get your betting slips at the ready.

Anyway, back to the matters at hand. Today, after a personal tour of Pinewood Studios, the Prime Minister announced he would like the British film industry to focus on more comercially successful films instead of low budget critical darlings that the UK is more famous for nowadays.

Remember that fire at Pinewood a couple of years ago? After comments like that I'd wished the inferno had held off for a few years and treated the PM like medieval folk treated witches.

This was the alternate poster for Kiss Ass- I MEAN Kick Ass. Satire.

First of all, commercially successful movies cost money. Avatar, the highest grossing film of all time, cost an estimated $240million to make. Titanic, the second highest grossing film ever, cost $200million to make back in 1997. The latest installment of Twilight, Breaking Dawn Part. 1 cost $110million to make, although I'm sure it'd rack up serious box office numbers even if the filmmakers scrapped the original shoot and just held some kind of puppet show using knitted characters made by Tayler Lautner's nan.

Before the government scrapped the UK Film Council last year, it had an annual budget of £15million to invest in different films all year round.

I'm not saying dosh automatically equals more dosh, but when given a choice between the idiot-fuelled cash juggernaut Transformers and the lower-budget more thought provoking Tyrannosaur, most punters this summer plumped for the money option.

Unfortunately, such is the way of modern politics that the electorate of UK will hardly be too pleased if a £200million government funded big screen production of Doctor Who all of a sudden popped up at the Odeon. You can imagine it now, a local news report with a batty old lady complaining they've spent all the money that'd been promised for a new streamlined Meals on Wheels service on enticing Brad Pitt to be the new Doctor and George Lucas to create the special effects.

So there's that to consider. Then there's the other problem, which goes back to my what-at-the-time-seemed-irrelevant story about my prediction of David Cameron becoming British Prime Minister:

How do you predict a commercially successful film?

There is a reasonable formula for working out a sure fire hit. Big actors + big explosions + news-worthy budget + story based on previously popular work/sequel = $$$

But who would've predicted things like Slumdog Millionaire or The Hangover would've become smash hits? Slumdog Millionaire is a good example because it's a British film that'd been financed by the UK Film Council. Its a Danny Boyle film that is remarkably un-Danny Boyle (mainly because it makes you smile) about a boy from the slums of Indian who manages to win Who Wants to be a Millionaire because all the answers relate to flashbacks that make up the film's narrative (what are the odds?). It was a massive hit, helped by the fact it generated a serious amount of pre-Oscars chatter.

Its the same with The Kings Speech. Most of it's success is down to the hype around Colin Firth's and Geoffrey Rush's performances and the whole 'Britishness' of it all. No one was that interested in the history lesson about a King who had a stutter, just the fact Firth could pull off a stutter without...stuttering.

Two of Britain's most successful films in recent times then have been Oscar successes revolving around the central theme of personal triumph. Most films that battle it out for Oscars are rarely commercial juggernauts, instead they're usually more obscure pictures that come to the forefront of public attention due to their critical acclaim. They aren't necessarily commercial nor mainstream, but they are bloody good.

Maybe it's the fact Cameron is currently seeing Margaret Thatcher's face on the side of every bus in London like a miner's nightmare that has driven a little bit loopy. Britain makes good films, regardless of whether they're commercial or not. I'm more excited about seeing The Kill List, a low budget obscure British horror/thriller when it comes out on BluRay than any other film coming out this month. When Britain tries to make commercial bigger budget pictures, they tend to be horrible gangster flicks starring Ray Winstone or Danny Dyer that are a) shit b) offensive to our intelligence.

Politicians should stay away from the film industry, especially when you take into consideration the fact David Cameron has Armageddon on his DVD shelf (I did not realise he had special needs). Investing in the production of films is incredibly risky when compared to the investment in other commodities. But few other commodities are as loved as films. It's art, and art should not be told how it should be produced, especially by those who have no real interest other than pound signs.

And yes, this is a topical post from yours truly, I hope you've enjoyed the ride.

2011 in Film - Highs and a Low

2011 has been a vintage year for movies. Even though it seems every other release has contained a superhero of some kind, there have been some genuine classics that have blessed multiplexes over the past 12 months. For me personally, it's been the first year where I've seen most of the major releases what with my exposure to press screenings and red carpet premieres, somewhat falsely giving me a sense of entitlement that I can compose a best-of list. I've narrowed it down to four and put them in order. Agree/disagree/keep your views to yourself.

4. Super 8

Proof that virtually everything J.J Abrams touches turns to gold, this homage to Spielberg movies of old is a great science fiction film with a touching relationship between two young teenagers at its heart. Following a group of young teenagers who are filming their own Super 8 film in the late '70's, their mini-blockbuster leads them to a local station where they witness a huge train crash (one of the great spectacles this year), releasing a dangerous creature into the town.

Having teenagers at the centre of a plot means the child actors have to be good enough to carry the narrative. Fortunately, Joel Courtney and Elle Fanning give two mesmerising performances; Fanning's in particular exuding a maturity of someone far more experienced. Between them, Courtney and Fanning bring tenderness and affection to adolescent life giving Super 8 an emotional depth that many summer blockbusters think they can do without.

With Spielberg as producer, Super 8 always feels well paced, barely pausing even when the slower more heartfelt moments dominate the screen. The visual effects are outstanding, and the final act where the army decide enough is enough and begin their assault on the creature is an incredibly thrilling sequence.

If you think this all sounds quite like War of the Worlds, then you'd be half right. Especially when it comes to the ending, because like Spielberg's update of the H.G. Welles classic, you can't help but feel short changed by Super 8's ending. It's a shame, but I am prepared to forgive it's dismal outcome, purely for the fact that the proceeding 90 minutes are so strong.

3. Source Code

Those who thought Jake Gyllenhaal was merely a pretty face should really take a long hard look at Source Code, an action-packed-techno-thriller from Duncan Jones. The film tells the story of a army helicopter pilot who wakes up on a commuter train unaware of his surroundings. Suddenly the train explodes, but rather than waking up in front of the pearly gates, he wakes up on the train again, and works out he must repeat the same 8 minutes in order to find the bomber.

Jones, son of David Bowie handles a multi-layered and intricate story with aplomb, keeping the film hurtling along at the breakneck pace of the film's train. At only 90 minutes, it's a short sharp blast with no excess flab. There are plot twists in virtually every scene, and the narrative unravels in a manner that reminded me of Christopher Nolan's Memento, which in my eyes is one of this milennium's great masterpieces.

Which brings me on to Gyllenhaal. Whilst he was rather good in Brokeback Mountain, he was always in the shadow of Heath Ledger (which given the subject matter of the film is a poor choice of words on my part). Yet here he leads the line brilliantly, with a compelling yet haunting performance.

This has been a year of action films punching well above their critical weight. Fast Five, Thor and MI:4 have all had critics retracting thoughts about the quality of blockbusters. Source Code is the best one of the lot. For thought provoking story and explosions, you can't go far wrong.

2. Submarine

No end of year best-of list is complete without an obscure film that many people are unlikely to have seen yet you wish they had. Submarine is the debut feature film of The IT Crowd's Richard Ayoade and is based on the novel of the same name by Joe Dunthorne. It's a coming-of-age comedy-drama focusing on teen sex, but not quite in the same ballpark as films like Superbad. Instead this is wonderfully stylistic, with Tarantino-esque sections and self-aware narration.

It tells the story of Oliver Tate, who falls in love with the cheeky and straight talking Jordana Bevan. From there, Ayoade explores all the trials and tribulations of a teenage relationship, set in a fabulously bleak mid-eighties Wales.

But it never becomes a lesson in style, because like Super 8, there's a lovely little romance right at the centre of it. And once again, the performances of Craig Roberts and Yasmin Page are just fantastic and enormously likeable. Then there's the brilliant supporting cast with the likes of Noah Taylor and Paddy Consadine meaning we're not longing for the teenage couple when they're off-screen.

It says a lot about my partiality to a coming of age story that two of them grace my list. And when there's a style reminiscent of Wes Anderson holding it all together, it gains a direct line to my heart.

1. Drive

We've seen many things in the cinema this year, but it turns out what we really wanted was to see Ryan Gosling crush a man's skull into a bloody pulp with the sole of his boot.

This film ticks about just every box. Classy and stylist direction. Cars. OTT violence. A strong male lead. A stonking electro-pop soundtrack. Carey Mulligan. Evil Jewish gangsters. Retro '80's detailing. I'm nursing a semi just thinking about it. No, that's just Cliff Martinez's score thumping through the subwoofer into my abdominal area.

Drive tells the story of an unnamed Hollywood stunt driver - played on the limit of mannered and madness by Ryan Gosling - who moonlights as a wheelman for criminals, offering a five minute window before his skills become obsolete.

The first half is the Mulligan and Gosling show, with a charming chemistry that is played out through actions, with very little dialogue between the two. The subtle movement of Mulligan's lips and Gosling's deep blue eyes say so much more than reams of dialogue.

Then, Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn comes into his own. Proving adept at mastering the human elements, Refn sets about making Drive one of the most beautifully crafted films of the year. From the helicopter shots of a rarely seen side of Los Angeles to the car chase segments that are left to play out rather than horribly spliced together like most modern action sequences, it's a feast for your eyes.

There's a real nod to films like Bullitt and Pulp Fiction, both in it's styling and content. Never does Refn feel like he's struggling with bringing all these elements together; such confidence in a young director is rare.

There's so much to like about Drive that it's difficult to put a finger on any negatives. It's been criminally overlooked by the Golden Globes, but leads the line in nominations at the London Film Critics Awards. Here's hoping it gets the recognition it deserves, because Drive is, by a considerable margin, my favourite film of 2011.

...and the Biggest Disappointment of the Year - The Hangover 2

It was a sleeper hit when it came out in 2009, but you'd be hard pressed to find someone who didn't find the original Hangover film a brilliant and original comedy. Featuring a cast of relative unknowns but in the capable hands of Todd Phillips, everything about it was funny. The set up was funny, each of the principal characters were funny and there were funny twists and turns. As this list suggests, the Hangover was funny.

The Hangover 2 took everything that was original (and funny) about the first installment and turned it spectacularly stale. It was like a bacteria that rapidly turns bread into mould. You can't just copy the plot of the first one, proclaim it's 'bigger in every way' and expect the audience to lap it up.

Unfortunately, the audience did lap it up. With over half a billion dollars at the worldwide box office, it guarantees there'll be a third installment of the drunken Sherlock Holmes-like series.

I had such high hopes for The Hangover 2. Especially as the principal cast and crew were all back in play, thinking they'd build on the original. Instead, they built next to it, but when stood next to the original, it paled into comparison. Wahh.

Mickey MouseTrap

I'm scared, and you should be too.

As a kid I was very easy to parent (or so I've been told). Whenever my parents wanted to keep me out of trouble they plonked me in front of the telly, put on a proper old school VHS and then left the room, knowing that when they returned in a few hours or so, I'd still be sat in the same place, mouth wide open gazing blankly at the T.V.

Although this sounds like I was somewhat retarded as a toddler, little did I know that everything I watched ended up having a profound effect on the rest of my childhood. By about age nine or ten I'd seen the James Bond and Star Wars films countless times. And I mean all the James Bond films. Could even say I was a bit of an addict.

But it's the Disney films that have always held a special place in my heart. I was born around the time most film critics have called the 'Disney Renaissance'. This is a period between the late '80's and late '90's where some of Disney's most iconic movies were released. The likes of The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King and Aladdin all came out just as I was at the prime age to enjoy them.

But not to understand them.

Over the last few weeks I've found myself watching The Lion King and The Hunchback of Notre Dame for the first time in years. They're still just as enjoyable as they were when I was a kid but there's a side to the films I never knew existed.

Take Hunchback. It's arguably my favourite Disney Renaissance film and it's also probably one of the darkest films ever to have been released under the Disney brand. Dealing with kid-friendly themes like Hell, prejudice, social injustice and damnation, I can sum up the film in three words: Absolutely. Fucking. Terrifying.

Watching it back now I wonder how the hell I ever slept easy after having Count Frollo's evil face burned on the back of my retinas. I wonder how the hell I accepted Quasimodo as your bog-standard hero when he looks like battered liver. I wonder how the hell I didn't turn into a raging pyschopath after being brainwashed by all the evil undertones.

Frollo, who's face looks like the shrivelled skin around your elbow is a creepy old judge who spends most of the film lusting after the young gypsy Esmeralda.

Lusting.

In a Disney film.

Then there's the lengths Frollo goes to to hunt down Esmeralda. This eventually leads to burning down the houses of those suspected of 'housing enemies of the state'. Now as a bright-eyed and optimistic child I'd never have thought anything of it. Now that I've studied the Second World War and the tactics of the Nazis during their persecution of the Jews, I can't help but see a slight overlap.

In The Lion King during one of Disney's most underrated songs 'Be Prepared', the hyenas march in a way that's too similar to the marches of German soldiers in WW2 to be a mere coincidence. Then there's the way Scar stands upon an elevated rock and looks over his hyena army; as though he's about to order them all to attack France.

But Disney can get away with it, because all this Nazi propaganda is cleverly hidden under an assortment of cutesy characters and a host of upbeat musical numbers. As a result, you're bog standard toddler is too engrossed in the magic to notice.

So where the hell were my parents in all of this? I asked them about it the other day and their response was "Oh you're looking too hard at these things, you're trying to find something that isn't there."

And that ladies and gentlemen, confirms that my parents were more than happy to leave their eldest son in front of a set of terrifying movies that warped my fragile little mind. And that explains a lot.

Do all kids programmes have to have some kind of propaganda as though Josef Goebbels is the head of animation? Is Dora teaching us all Spanish because in 20 or so years we're all going to be enslaved by a man called Pablo? Are the Power Rangers trying to teach us to abandon our parents and go and fight crime? Is Spongebob Squarepants a marketing ploy by sponge manufacturers to make people go and buy more sponges?

These are all eminently possible, suggesting that the real war is not in the Middle East, but at the doorsteps of Nickelodeon, Disney and CBBC. So next time you find yourself watching entertainment designed for children, be on high mental alert because you could find yourself stabbing someone an hour later just because the fluffy little onscreen rabbit said so.

Yeah this got out of control pretty quickly.

Tinker Tailor Soldier...Journalist?

Good evening...Commissioner

It was this time last week that I was stood on the red carpet for the Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy UK premiere (at least it was when I started this post). Such an anniversary has prompted me to finally sort myself out and upload my thoughts and audio interviews from arguably the biggest British premiere of the year.

With the prospect of meeting the country's finest acting talent I stood in the designated press pen full of excitement. This was the first time I'd ever been to one of these events, let alone standing on the other side of the guard rail away from the general public. With the press pass around my neck it felt like I'd been given the key to the city.

Well, it did to start with. As I arrived at the British Film Institute headquaters at Southbank, I was ushered to the start of the red carpet. Feeling like a star in my own right, I strolled up to the bouncer waving my pass who then pointed me to the 'business side' of the guard rail. It was about quarter past three, around 90 minutes before any of the stars were scheduled to turn up, yet the crowds had already assembled. The fabled positions at the front had been taken by fanatics, holding homemade boards that wouldn't have looked out of place in the crowd for the TV show Gladiators.

Of course, I too was there about 90 minutes before anything happened which gave me a chance to observe my surroundings. If you've ever been to BFI Southbank you'll know the entrance to the building is underneath Waterloo Bridge directly on the riverbank, which created an interesting atmosphere for the premiere. Rigging and lights had been fitted to the underside of the bridge and Tinker Tailor motifs were adorned on any spare surface.

The press pen for the national press (and moi) was at the far end of the red carpet. I was initially upbeat that we'd get all the stars as most of the photographers were positioned next to us, although slightly apprehensive that there was a row of TV cameras between us and where the talent was arriving. Setting myself up between a writer from Empire Magazine and a critic from the Evening Standard, I got my notepad out and started thinking up questions for Messrs Firth Oldman Hardy and others.

The first recognisable face to turn up was in fact Lizo Mzimba, the BBC's Entertainment Correspondent. Here was a man who whilst at Newsround, translated all the 'adult news' and made it understandable for world-curious children like me, essentially turning himself into an all-time hero in my eyes. He and the BBC team had set further down the red carpet, right next to recognisable face number 2. I'd worked with Steve Hargrave during my time at Sky News on what actually turned out to be one of his last stories before he became Daybreak's entertainment correspondent. Hargrave, Mzimba and the BBC and Daybreak teams were down one end of the red carpet, I was down the other end with my Edirol and notepad starting to think I was going to struggle.

After getting a good few interviews with some of the cast and crew (which are dotted around the post) I was still worried I hadn't got anything with the big four (the acting talents that are Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy and Benedict Cumberbatch). Worst still, I had only seen Gary Oldman, who had spent about an hour chatting to Mzimba and Hargrave.

It wasn't until about 45 minutes before the screening was about to start that I spotted the hulking frame of Tom Hardy lumber down the carpet au rouge. Following closely behind was the more vertically built Colin Firth who was attached to his wife like they were siamese twins. And finally, the wispy-blonde hair of Benedict Cumberbatch came into view, with his piercing glare sending the riff-raff into a screaming frenzy.

Like a set of starved hyenas, the photographers abandoned their position next to us and made their way towards the talent. And with that, my chance to interview any of these juggernauts of British cinema went up in a rather British puff of smoke. Mzimba and Hargrave held onto the four of them like they were parts of their soul and the several dozen PR people could only shrug their shoulders in response to our cries of 'WE WANT HARDY'.

Cries turned into groans as a set of nightclub bouncers appeared (by day ushering filmstars, by night fighting with Sambuca-fuelled scallywags) to point the stars still on the red carpet in the direction of the door, ending my first experience of a red carpet premiere on a rather bum note.

As I made my way back home struggling to shift a feeling of disappointment, I had to keep reminding myself it was my first experience of a red carpet premiere and to be thankful for the opportunity. Most of the other journalists in the press pen were anything from late twenties to late forties, yet not even they had managed to get the amount of interviews I'd got. Even though they were all from national publications, I had jumped in front of them all with Edirol to get a few cracking little interviews.

Of course, these things are always about learning from the mistakes you've made. I've made a list, so take note.

1. Take a video camera. Those with a camera and a microphone were given preferential treatment in getting hold of the stars than those with old school equipment such as a pen and paper. It seems that if the stars make the effort to look good, they're going to want you to see it rather than describe it.

2. Don't expect to follow the talent into the cinema. Prior to the premiere I hadn't actually seen the film meaning coming up with questions was a challenge. But no matter, I thought I was going to see the film in the next few hours. Wrong. No journalists at the premiere are allowed into the cinema and if you want to watch the film you have to attend the press screening which can often be a week later. I did eventually get round to seeing the film and surprise surprise, it was magnificent.

3. Establish a good spot. One of the advantages of getting there a whole hour and a half before anything happened was that I was right up against the guard rail in a nice position. It did mean that as soon as someone famous walked past a whole host of dictaphones were thrust either side of my face, but that was a small price to pay for getting some good interviews.

I'm hoping to put these lessons into practice at the Happy Feet 2 European Premiere in November that I've been invited to where Hollywood A-Listers like Elijah Wood, Robin Williams, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and the rest will come under fire from yours truly.