Teenage Dirtbag Baby

This was the second thing that came up when I typed 'teenagers' into Google Images. I don't think I've ever seen 5 teenagers jumping on a beach like that other than on Neighbours.

Today is my last 24 hours (23 now I've finished writing) of being a teenager. And that is a really, really scary thought.

When I think of where and who I was when I hit the terrible age of 13...yeah you're right, I've barely changed.

I spent my entire childhood waiting to grow up; wanting to hit 16 so I could buy a lottery ticket, hit 17 so I could drive and hit 18 so I could get a pint in a pub. I've never bought a lottery ticket, I've passed my test and crashed my car and got drunk too many times to remember. It's weird, and now I'm on the brink of losing my status as a teenager, I just want to go back and do it all over again.

Now I'm just getting all nostalgic and it's not healthy. But seeing as it's my last day before I might have to think about growing up, I think I'm allowed to have a little self-wallow in my own past.

Would I do things differently? Of course I would. Knowing all the wonderful stuff I know now, it'd be cool to start again with the cheat codes. On the other hand, if I didn't do all the stuff I did first time round, I'd be sitting here without a clue. Swings and roundabouts I suppose.

Anyway, this lamenting is all fairly pointless because the likelihood is I'll still act like the immature little shit I am until I'm getting served stale cabbage at an old people's home. The fact I can still get away with child bus fare pretty much says it all.

I don't know, I always thought hitting 20 was the start of 'adult-life', the point where you got sensible and traded in your Playstation for loft insulation. The time I was having these thoughts was around the same time I was convinced my day job would consist of performing car chases for Hollywood action films, so looking back I can see I was mildly disillusioned on both fronts.

But that's the weird thing. I had all these preconceptions about hitting 20 and now I'm here, it's sort of disappointing in a way. I'm halfway to my midlife crisis and yet I still look like I should be in a nativity play.

I probably didn't have the standard teenage life to be honest. I never sat in a park and drunk Strongbow till I needed my mum to come and pick my sorry drunken state up; was never in a band (particularly gutted about that one) and didn't spend my entire teenage years chasing after girls...

Take note of this. It's about as personal as I'm ever gonna get on here.

Quite frankly this is fairly silly. I doubt I'm going to start wearing suit and tie everyday after my birthday, I'm not going to go to bed at 9:13 every night and I sure as hell am not going to have an ounce of responsibility. When people ask my age, I might just lie through my teeth and say 16 just to see if they've got the bottle to question it. Or just say Twenteen and skip off into the sunset.

Either way, I'm going to stop this nonsense, put on 'Teenage Dirtbag' and have one more day of being hated by everyone who reads the Daily Mail. Then maybe find a park...